Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
