awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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