I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Girls should come with a carfax report
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
