everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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