The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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