Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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