my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
