I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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