i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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