The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
