Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
ugly people sure do ruin things
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
