I think my fart just growled at me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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