I could have mohawked her pubes.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
