Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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