I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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