well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
