i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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