you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
