She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
