i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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