you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize