Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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