Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
is wine microwaveable?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize