I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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