So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
