Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
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Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am available for nakedness
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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