Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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