Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
