Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
