If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
how does that bad decision feel?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
