Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
