My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
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I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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