I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
