Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
