it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
