and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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