just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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