No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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