I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
