Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize