i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
