So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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