Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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