Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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