Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
