I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
