just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"