the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.