he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong