It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda