you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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