It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
