Non-Jews are for practice
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
