A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
