i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
