oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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