the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
