Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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