then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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