She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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