I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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