I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
