just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
