He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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