return my video game
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
