Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
