It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
