That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
