i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
