I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
