Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize