Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bed smells like the plague
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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