Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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