i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
